Thursday, April 10, 2014

Avalanche!

I can smell it. Each day I wake up: I feel like I’m still in a dream. My entire 20s akin to a sunset. My emotions, like a wave of tsunami no one can stop. When something inevitable is about to happen, the wait move in slow-motion pace. You want to rip your hair out, you want to scream, you contract your body and remember to breathe. There’s nowhere to go. There’s nothing you can do to stop it.

spv_avalanche2

My Turning Thirties friends share the same sentiment. You think about the last decade and wonder if you could have done better. Then you realize the fact that you did everything you had to do and could do at the time. Then in all of the thinking you’re doing, it just wants you to take a nap.

At some point you’d feel like a zombie. Buried six feet under by time. I wonder what kind of breath of life I’ll need to resuscitate me.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Over The Hill, Over My Head

seniorDo you ever feel like the most selfish person in the world? Ungrateful, and incessantly needy? As the days draw closer to when I’m finally over the hill, it’s only inevitable for someone’s 20s to come to an end. Somehow, it feels like many of the things I took for granted the past decade is now something I can no longer take for granted through the next.

I can’t say I have it bad.  Humbly in all  honestly, aside from sounding like a conceited jerk, I have it great. An awesome relationship, awesome schedule, awesome work, awesome friends. In good health, so is my family and the people I care for. What is there to be depressed about?

Yet somehow, weighing my luck and comparing myself to others who could have it so much worse, or even a little worse, I feel a pang of guilt. Maybe sadness, even. For something I can’t even seem to pinpoint.

Is it the property I’ve yet to claim? Is it the bag I’ve yet to purchase? Is it the car I’ve yet to drive? Is it the social status I’ve yet to achieve? Is it the constant demand for something I think I should have but could really do without?

There must be something wrong with me. Having all this good couldn’t be a bad thing. And wanting more things in life couldn’t be a motivator.

Monday, March 24, 2014

The Dull Life Onto 30

Life’s becoming dull.

Sure I get exhilarated with every spontaneous dinner, or sudden meetings with friends. I always relish the fact that there’s something unknown and happy that comes our way. Challenges always spices things up from time to time.

But I’m tired. And bored. Out of my wits.

Recently having read certain facts of life when you start off on your third decade of living that no one knows where they place in the world anyway, so it’s okay. But the feeling is so begrudgingly awful that sometimes you wish you could fast forward to a point in your life where you can say you’ve made it, and you can fashion it the way you want it to: no office to report to, no duties to pay, no problems to worry.

fast_forwardWouldn’t it be great? Skip through all the challenges and the hard work, and just fill your life with Hermes, Gucci, and Louis Vuitton. Shop till you drop. And eat to your heart’s content.

But I wasn’t born yesterday. I was born almost to the date, thirty years ago. Maybe that’s why it feels rough and long running. And ultimately: dull.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

The Hand That Feeds You

Many advise against biting the hands that feed you. I respect that saying. So when you’re getting something that you need from someone or something that makes your life hell, think again.

dont-bite-the-hand-that-feeds-you

There’s a reason why you’re doing what you’re doing. And if you fuck it up, you might lose it. And in the end, you wonder, is it worth it?

In the wake of my anniversary with the hand that feeds me, time has brought a cast of doubt, maybe a cast of wonder?, definitely a case of something that makes me think how much longer will I be doing it for myself…

Can’t wait….