Saturday Coma

Sometimes the body craves what the body craves.

Many people look forward to the weekends. It’s the time to live the life you scrape for all week. All that hard work ought to bring you some joy outside the office. It gives you time to spend with your family, or go out on a date, or get around doing your chores you’re obliged to meet. And sometimes it leads to unexpected things.

My weekend led me to a coma.

I fell asleep late Friday night, and fell asleep mostly during the day. Spent the day watching TV, DVDs, laying on my bed, and drowsing off here and there, hours on end, like there was no tomorrow.

The reason behind it is unknown.

But I felt recharged by Sunday. And I couldn’t have spent it any better. I just wish the world didn’t miss me too much.

Nothing But Words

It does wonders to the brain without internet.

My Internet Dependency is definitely gnawing at me. Since the storm hit and our DSL box shot by the winds, our internet connection’s been down. And since it’s never stopped me from opening my computer - as the main purpose of it lately has been to hop onto the net - I’m left with nothing but words.

Often I question what to do without the internet. Turns out it would mean blog posts (sans the posting). Blogs are, after all, web logs. And it’s interesting that the writing kicks in, when the reading does not.

You read more instead of saying things when you’re on the internet. We’re all media consumptionists - reading, viewing, listening. Everything is fed to us. But it takes perhaps drastic measures to turn us from consumptionists to producers.

So I’m racking up several items under my belt. By the time anyone’s read this, I’d have gotten my connection back, or found ways to slide this onto the clouds (hello, office net). But so far, these past few days with B out of town and me doing my office-home routine, life’s been pretty uncomfortably quiet.

Quiet...

And Life hasn’t been quiet much now, has it? My increasingly intellectually stimulating verbal environment at work paired with my constant battle with patience and temper doesn’t give me much time to sit down and reflect on personal matters much. Even when I air out my personal matters, it’s always related to my alternate universe professional life.

So now, aside from the a coffee on my hand, and my Musicals playing in the background, I have nothing but words to entertain myself. I wonder what else I can say?

Food For Thought

Appetite, shmapetite!

The equation goes: food plus eating a lot equals fat. And unfortunately, I’ve never been stocky enough to save my life.

Generally, while people are constantly struggling to lose weight, there is a number of people who are constantly struggling to put on weight. I am one of them. Yes I’m thankful I can fit myself to a size zero, but it’s never a compliment to hear how thin I am, or how thin I am still.

I have just as much body issues just like anyone else. Just because one is on another side of the coin doesn’t mean they don’t have their own set of challenges to face. We are all either struggling to eat less, or forcing ourselves to eat more… and curse ourselves for missing the desired weight we are aiming for.

But I’m tired forcing food down to my esophagus. If I can only eat three teaspoons of beef, and a whole pint of ice cream, I say it was a great lunch.

Workaholics Anonymous

Billions of adults pour their heart and soul on their careers. They sacrifice their time with friends, family, children - just to get their names clean, and deliver quality for the name of the Business, of course.

Perhaps in our younger years, in our care-free and bills-free life, we couldn't have fathomed anything about sacrifice. Our fresh naive mind could have been our savior … or demise. Whichever way you might put it, whatever we used to have when we were idealistic and new may have disappeared, and now I haven’t decided yet if we’ve come focused or lost our sense of life to chase not being late paying credit cards or driving cars we can’t afford if we stopped working altogether.

As you focus from all the meaningless clutter from your younger years and get down to business, and sacrifice night after night, holiday after holiday, weekend after weekend - to the point that you get sick (figuratively … or literally) - it makes me wonder if all that sacrifice is even worth it.

You can’t hate what pays for your life. If you happen to have a sense of value, you’d nod your head yourself while reading this bit. Working is a sense of purpose in life, in the world. What you do is your identity. We cling to it so much that we carry it from one company to another.

Is it bad that you spend so much time at work instead of pouring your days spending time with your seven year old learning adjectives, going to field trips, or prepping for their birthday parties? Is it bad that you’d have to miss your old friends one weekend because something urgent came up at work and you’d have to give up your night for Musical Theater, rack up your phone bill, and help for the sake of the Business?

When does the line thin between over-working and focusing on your career? Does it come hand-in-hand, like door knobs and keys? Or can you focus on your career without sacrifice?

I couldn’t help but wonder: can you be successful at work and maintain life outside the office?

I Object! (My Weekend Was Ruined)

Very seldomly do we get the chance to invite our friends and prepare for a night in the theater. Musicals don't come very often here, and when you've set a schedule and is looking forward for it: whenever you pay for some consequence caused by someone else: it's more or less...

the biggest bullshit in the world.

Forgive my candor. But you ruined Musical Theater Night.

Sometimes people forget that other people have lives to live, too. Of course we can't always bow down and beckon whenever you call, or need help. But the resolution should never be laid in the palms of someone else, especially if it's because of your shitty way of getting things done. Your primary function can't be passed on to someone else who has a completely different primary function from yours.

You've ruined my weekend. And I'm pretty sure you'll ruin more weekends of more people in the future. You're a social cancer. A cancer in the office. Spreading disease and killing everything you touch.

I H.A.T.E.U.

Chasing Time

We are all bound by time.

But the rebellious non-conformist in me always gets in the way. I don't deny it. My innate response to time is always 30 minutes after. Maybe you could consider that I have no sense of time at all, and that it's one of the flaws that make me both interesting and way difficult to deal with.

If life was a race for time, I'd be the last one in the track field. And it couldn't be any true.

"Late" is a common place word in my world. And beating being late is so much of a hassle. It's not like I lay around my life purposely being late for everything. I have been doing everything I can to not be late, but somehow I manage to make everyone else so.

Running around town trying to make it at n o'clock is taking a toll on me. And sometimes it makes me want to just curl up in bed and not go at all - to work, to dinner, to do anything at all. But of course that's never the right thing to do.

I guess I'm just so pressed for time lately, that meeting deadlines, getting to places in time, has become more of a chore. But then again, what isn't?

Time to put it all to rest.

Finally Found A New One

I didn't want to deviate much from the default, but to the sharp eye, you'd know it's something different. Yum. Like dragging a cigarette after a 10 hour flight, feels so good.

California Gays

Where was I when they were auditioning / shooting this!?!?!?!

Excellent Failure

No matter how hard you work, there'll always be times when you face a string of failures. So no matter how much you were praised not too long ago, you might find yourself in a sticky situation shortly after.

Maybe it's true that success is 99% failure. I have no doubt someone somewhere will always be able to help if you can't do it on your own, but the rocky road to getting there might have to be trudged before you can say you've succeeded.

It's been a rocky start. And a rocky several weeks. But somehow, somewhere down the line I know it will work out fine. But for now, I feel like a failure - an excellent failure. It's been several weeks running and I haven't been able to iron it out. Time to flex my coordination muscles.

Fashion versus Electronics

I always favored electronics over fashion. Sometimes I wonder why I spend all this money for TVs, or computers, or gadgets - when I could spend it all on a Louis Vuitton bag maybe, or Tiffany jewelry. The only piece of fashion I spent the most on is my wham-bam-rainbow-ring.

I think for 2010, I'm done with all the electronic buying. Now that I've landed the TV + TV Rack of my dreams, it's time to leave electronics behind and start thinking about interior design, and very key fashion pieces, like Paul Smith wallets, and Louis Vuitton messenger bags, and Zara shoes, and Top Man coats.

Let the collecting begin!

Diplomacies

We are all created equal. Therefore, we have to apply diplomacy when dealing with matters about people. I would consider it a virtue. But sometimes we end up dealing with moronic idiots! That's life for you.

There are certain morons that go great lengths to prove they are, indeed, morons. My abrasive loving nature kicks in like second nature. Perhaps due to a rather difficult childhood, or perhaps I do my best to make a mark on someone - a seething, painful mark - to make morons learn from their mistake, or whatever my motive may be due to some neuroses or psychotic behavior, I end up facing morons head on, and shake them until they realize their shitty actions are causing my intense frustration.

I don't like being unnecessarily frustrated.
And I believe, neither do you.

If your primary function is to perform a certain action, don't expect others to cover for you. It's nobody else's problem why you got delayed two weekends ago. Even more so when you're not available when the tough gets going.

Stop passing the god damn baton. People's purpose in life is not being your back up. I know the diplomatic thing to do is work together, because working in teams is a healthy thing to do. But sadly I'm far from being diplomatic, and you're going to have to excuse me because you're standing in my way.

You're a moron. I hate you!

Small World, Little Planet

We are living in a small world. Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's not. When it serves you good, it's a wonderful way of seeing the planet you live in. But unfortunately planets come with both good and bad people.

He's a bad man. A very bad man. And I feel like the planet ain't big enough for the both of us.

Moshi iVisor

Been looking for a screen protector on my MacBook Pro and the only thing I'm seeing available is the quite pricey Moshi iVisor.

I'm not a fan much of matte large screen film protectors. They wash out the color and you'd end up with a visually crippling 15" screen. We wouldn't want that now would we? Sigh. I don't know why - all of a sudden - the crystal clear cheaper ones aren't stocked in stores right now, for several weeks now.

What a let down!

White iPhone 4, Zo Zexy

I think I'm starting to salivate for the new iPhone 4. The white one is extremely zexy.

It's so good lookinggg!

Your Excellency

Why is it, when you look inward, your reviews are always less than what others really see?

It's been a very tedious year. The first six months of 2010 has proved itself to be most challenging so far. Luckily enough, Appraisal Season just wrapped up. At a time when I've had so much fill and had it up to here, at a time when I'm folding the most, and when I felt like what I've been doing was sub par, I am sent a hundred and eighty degrees to the other side and reviewed as an excellent performer.

Was I really? Or is the review I've been giving myself all wrong? It's still a big wonder for me. It feels like I've been criticizing myself all this time - to do better, to work more, to strive for the best, and it felt like I wasn't getting there - and when you least expect it, someone taps you on the back and tells you you've been doing an excellent job.

It's very humbling.

And shocking at the same time. Why is it, when you look inward, your reviews are always low? Why is it, when the eyes looking over you are your own, you never seem to be doing well enough? But when others peer in, your efforts are praised highly.

It's a very interesting shift of perception. All this time, all my hardships were - in fact - being recognized when all the while I thought I was doing really bad. And your recognition of your own efforts may not always be the same as others'. Luckily for me, my self criticisms were highly praised by others, and it's a wonderful surprise. So surprising in fact, that I felt recharged to face everything again.

You own your review, and I owned my excellency. And I felt like kicking back today, and puff a ciggy. And pat my back for a job very well done.

Happy Office, Happy Worker

I guess it took a while before I ever got a breather.

But things have laid low for a while - enough while - to make my life easier and less pressure filled. I'm seeing rainbows ahead. But I should be really readying for more things to do, but for now, I relish the fact that I'm able to enjoy my morning coffee, or eat lunch, and feel right about the things I'm doing.